TW: Suicide attempt and run on sentences
One of my favorite comedians is Brendan Eyre. He is hilarious, of course, but he is also genuine and courageous. He and I share many similarities when it comes to mental illness and history of treatments. I can’t help but appreciate the honesty in his comedy. Don’t get me wrong, his whole act isn’t about mental illness so be prepared to hear jokes about sex and the like. I will warn you though, I was triggered by one of his jokes but I still was able to laugh the whole time. That said, take my warning with a grain of salt. I mean it when I say our histories are very similar and hearing about his suicide attempt really reminded me of my first one when I was 20. I also had a drink that night and I’m really not supposed to drink anymore. It made me really vulnerable to a break down. With my five psych meds I take daily and the TMS treatment, alcohol is the last thing I need to consume. I do it anyway because a part of me wants to feel normal occasionally.
I saw Brendan in an intimate, comedy show recently. It was a Thursday night during the quarantine so the fact that there were only 30+ people in the audience didn’t reflect the caliber of talent on that stage but made me feel special that I was experiencing it. I knew Cleveland had a healthy comedy scene and it was confirmed because each comedian that night was from Cleveland and each one made me burst out laughing. Normally my social anxiety would have kicked in because I went to the show alone and was sat right in the front row. I was especially nervous. My nerves melted away with the first comic, thankfully, and I was able to enjoy the show. I knew that they were probably just as nervous as I was and that made me feel connected to the comics. Whenever I feel connected to an artist, I always enjoy the art even more. I have always agreed that laughter is important in life. If stand up comedy isn’t your thing, hopefully you find something that does make you laugh.
To reference the title of this blog post, after the show, I was such a wreck that I actually yelled at Brendan that I hated him. He looked hurt at my comment but seemed to realize shortly that I was sobbing behind my mask. I explained being triggered and he said one of the only responses I appreciate hearing when learning about my first suicide attempt, “I’m glad you’re still here.” My therapist when I was 20, before she had to end our therapy, told me she was glad I was still alive when I saw her after leaving the psych ward. I lost her because she was a school counselor and not a full therapist. She couldn’t handle me anymore. She was the first therapist I lost due to my severe case. I felt so horrible about yelling at Brendan after that I sent him an Instagram DM apologizing. He was very gracious and explained he appreciated my attendance at the show and not to worry about it.
I highly recommend checking out Brendan on YouTube or social media. His tweets are really entertaining. I actually took one of his tweets and created a painting. It is without doubt one of my favorite paintings I’ve ever done. I will link a few places to check him out below. Thank you, reader, for taking another journey with me. Be well.
@EyreBud (Twitter)
YouTube
The Rad Dudecast (Spotify) (Apple Podcasts)
Lavender Skies 