Greetings, dear reader. Thank you for coming back after my week long break. I was having some issues with concentration and depression over the last few weeks so I appreciate the break I took. Let’s get on to the next topic!
I was recently promoted to a more technical, leadership role at my company. Nothing huge, I just get to mentor people who are in my previous position. I am ecstatic about this promotion. I have worked my ass off to be considered and I actually got it over someone with more seniority. That felt both amazing and worrisome. I am still on the team with the man I got the promotion over. (He is very kind so I really am just projecting my feelings that I would have had if he was chosen over me.)
Now that I am in this position, I have a crippling amount of imposter syndrome. For those who don’t know what that means:
A psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments or talents and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
Wikipedia
I don’t trust in my abilities anymore. Before the promotion, I believed I was capable and even excelling at my position but now I am completely filled with doubt. Occasionally, when I am filled with this much anxiety, it actually fuels me to do better. I use the excessive worry and restlessness to my advantage. Unfortunately, this time, I’m paralyzed by this fear. I feel like I can barely do my job. I’m failing those who believed in me enough to promote me. This is especially crippling because I was promoted over someone else. I want to give the job back and have the other guy get promoted.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do as I haven’t really meditated on this anxiety and processed it yet. I will have to update you all later on how this all works out. Take care, reader. I hope you have a great week.
Lavender Skies 