I’m torn, dear reader, I want to keep this blog going but I’m having a lot of trouble coming up with content. It shouldn’t surprise me that I would have trouble keeping up a blog on my depression, because I’m depressed.
I am almost done with my TMS treatment. (If you don’t know what I’m referring to, go a couple posts back for some great information.) But, I have only a few more treatments left and I’ll be done. You may think to yourself, but, Marie, you just said you’re depressed, does that mean it didn’t work? That is a great question. I still believe that this treatment has been a saving grace for me. The reason I believe I’m sad again is because my one medication was reduced recently. Also, the stress in my life has been increasing tremendously. I feel more capable of handling this stress. Before TMS, with this amount of stress, I would be in the fetal position in my bed, day and night. I am currently able to live my life without crying every two minutes and I am able to function at work. The only real signs of stress I’ve noticed are my chronic headaches are back and I’m having the strangest dreams.
I’ve been having the worst stress about my finances again. I don’t know how I owe so many people so much money. My bank also kept refusing my rent payment to the point that I’m being threatened with eviction. I mean, for fucks sake, EVICTION?? I was an honors student in high school, solid B student in college, I have a Master’s degree! I have been focused on the wrong priorities my whole life. All my accomplishments feel like nothing lately. This is why I feel depressed.
I am not using my therapy skills to maintain my composure as well. I’ve been eating nonstop sugar. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned yet, I’m diabetic. My blood sugar this morning was 200. That’s not good. This could be why I am having headaches. And the nausea. Oh wow, I’m having a realization as I write this. I need more vegetables in my life.
In summation, my life isn’t going well right now, therefore, my writing is suffering. I hope you are all doing well. Be safe and take care.
Lavender Skies 