I remember in high school and beyond, I kept thinking I was Bipolar based on my impulsivity and other manic-like habits. ADHD was nowhere near my mind until my 30’s. It took until it was officially my 35th birthday for me to be diagnosed with ADHD.
I can’t believe how far I got in life without the proper diagnosis and treatment. I was so messed up for so long and I truly believe my potential suffered. I wonder where I would be if I knew sooner. Maybe I’d be in a fulfilling relationship unlike the crippling loneliness I deal with now. Maybe I would feel more confident in my career and abilities? I know I shouldn’t dwell in the past. I have enough to dwell about in the present.
I’m not sure where all this is coming from. I guess it doesn’t have to come from anywhere. These feeling exist and are valid. I am still grieving for my lost potential and chance at a different, more accepting life. But I appreciate where I am now. I am leaning into the weird aunt vibe for my sweet niece and my future other niece.
Having children around now really reminds me of how much life has changed and how much it will change in the future. I only hope the future gets better from here. We owe it to the next generations to learn to be kinder to each other now.
Picture from IG: myvictoriannightmare https://www.instagram.com/myvictoriannightmare
Lavender Skies 