Category: Spending and Finances

Overspending and being bad with money.

Stress

November 15, 2025

I’m losing my mind.

I am so stressed out over everything that anytime I don’t get enough sleep, I turn into a weeping mess. Everything sets me off. Especially commercials. They are meant to elicit an emotional response and damn do they work on me lately.

Let’s go through some of the shit I have been dealing with, in no particular order:

  • The government is actively trying to harm all of us. There is no easy way around it, it’s terrible.
  • My mom is still sick and I’ve been feeling extra guilty about not spending more time with her.
  • I’m on the brink of financial ruin. I have no savings and I’m still trying to buy Christmas gifts. I have so much debt and it’s becoming crippling again.
  • My job isn’t guaranteed especially with bullet point number one. We depend on pharmaceutical companies and if they lose money, we lose money. I don’t have a backup.
  • I might have to move in a few months. If my roommate can’t get a job (she’s been trying for YEARS) We will have to downsize. I love my apartment. It’s just too expensive for one income.
  • (Update: How could I forget?!) I’m also desperately touch starved. I have no one in my life I allow to give me affection. I’m never hugged and no one, except my cat, gets near me.

All I want to do is sit around and catch up on my TBR list. I have so many books I want to read but no attention span anymore. So, I just smoke weed and cry over Great British Bake Off.

Generic Title

September 18, 2020

I’m torn, dear reader, I want to keep this blog going but I’m having a lot of trouble coming up with content. It shouldn’t surprise me that I would have trouble keeping up a blog on my depression, because I’m depressed.


I am almost done with my TMS treatment. (If you don’t know what I’m referring to, go a couple posts back for some great information.) But, I have only a few more treatments left and I’ll be done. You may think to yourself, but, Marie, you just said you’re depressed, does that mean it didn’t work? That is a great question. I still believe that this treatment has been a saving grace for me. The reason I believe I’m sad again is because my one medication was reduced recently. Also, the stress in my life has been increasing tremendously. I feel more capable of handling this stress. Before TMS, with this amount of stress, I would be in the fetal position in my bed, day and night. I am currently able to live my life without crying every two minutes and I am able to function at work. The only real signs of stress I’ve noticed are my chronic headaches are back and I’m having the strangest dreams.


I’ve been having the worst stress about my finances again. I don’t know how I owe so many people so much money. My bank also kept refusing my rent payment to the point that I’m being threatened with eviction. I mean, for fucks sake, EVICTION?? I was an honors student in high school, solid B student in college, I have a Master’s degree! I have been focused on the wrong priorities my whole life. All my accomplishments feel like nothing lately. This is why I feel depressed.


I am not using my therapy skills to maintain my composure as well. I’ve been eating nonstop sugar. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned yet, I’m diabetic. My blood sugar this morning was 200. That’s not good. This could be why I am having headaches. And the nausea. Oh wow, I’m having a realization as I write this. I need more vegetables in my life.


In summation, my life isn’t going well right now, therefore, my writing is suffering. I hope you are all doing well. Be safe and take care.

Initial Thoughts Part 2

August 17, 2020

Back to the cliffhanger from last week. There are many different options to sell your junk. Online is most popular but also is the most likely for you to be scammed out of your money and tech. The first website I tried was Decluttr. Everything seemed to be going great. I was getting top dollar for my tech and even some money on old DVDs. My total was going to be a cash payout of around $270. Cash. That would be important in my decision to go with them. The other options included Best Buy and GameStop. The problem with those retailers was that I would only receive credit to the respective store. What was I going to do with $200 of GameStop credit if I was selling my Nintendo Switch? That store was dropped very quickly, which left me with Best Buy. Their website was very easy to use and promised me a great amount back for my tech. A positive was there were a lot more options for future purchases at Best Buy than GameStop. So, I made an appointment and reformatted all my devices.

Now you might be wondering to yourself, “But Marie, what about Decluttr?” Dear reader, I did not forget about Decluttr, they forgot about me. I committed to selling to them and did all the electronic paperwork to get my money. When it came to downloading the “Welcome Pack” as they put it which had the shipping labels, the pdf was not only blank but also not the correct file extension. To be honest, I’m pretty sure I have some sort of malware on my computer from trying to open the file. I did what any desperate individual would do, I contacted Customer Support. Not only was I sent a generic email based on a few keywords in my message, they claimed that if I replied above a line on their email, I would get a response. I did not. I got the same generic email sent to me three times with each response. I thankfully was able to cancel my commitment to them and hopefully won’t lose too much personal information to scammers.

Back to Best Buy. I went to my appointment looking like a lunatic with a cat tote bag full of wires and electronics. Everyone at Best Buy was very friendly and I got about $151 of store credit. For those of you following along, that seems pretty low, right? I was expecting about $270 from Best Buy but the team member clued me into a secret about my Switch. If I posted it on Facebook Marketplace, I could get over twice that Best Buy would give me. Now, I loathe dealing with people on marketplace websites. I’m always getting under bid and harassed about my product. I took a chance though and brought home my Switch to sell on Facebook.

Let me remind you, I walked into Best Buy with a tote bag full of electronics. No one stopped me at the door on my way in to ask what the hell was I doing and to my surprise no one stopped me from leaving to check my bag. I was 32 years old, white woman and was barely glanced at walking out of the store with what they could have thought was merchandise. If my roommate of color was with me or god forbid she went alone, I bet she would have been turned away. Now I can’t really in good conscious speculate that it was because I’m white or maybe even my kind eyes that got me through that door but it gave me pause.

I had my Switch all assembled on my floor with the half a dozen required accessories and too much cat hair to admit to, and I snapped a few pictures. Facebook was simple enough to fill out some form boxes and add a few tags that I was done and posted within minutes. Actually, I was waiting for the Facebook reviewers to approve my post when I was hit with three messages offering to buy my item. One requested I deliver it to them in a city over 20 minutes away on a good day of traffic. The other wanted to give me a fraction of what I was asking for, granted I posted more than I was willing to accept just to see if I could get it. He was offering less than my secret limit but he was willing to come pick it up. Lastly was a very sweet individual who offered more than I had hoped and was willing to meet today. I chose the last one while keeping the short changer on the line just in case my buyer didn’t show up. I waited anxiously for the time to meet up at the police station for the exchange because anything could have gone wrong and I hadn’t smoked weed yet that day. Nerves were frayed but I showed up and the lovely buyer was a woman about my age who was buying the Switch for herself. The whole exchange went seamlessly and I left with my money in Venmo.

If you remember from earlier, my one bank account was severely overdrawn, but I have two others I could have put the money into. Even though I am usually an alert driver and I was in front of the police station, I pulled up Venmo on my phone. I attempted to transfer my funds as fast as possible. You know, in case there was a way to reverse a payment on Venmo. I had barely eaten that day. Maybe a banana and a hard boiled egg with my morning coffee. To add that all up, I was anxious, hungry, too warm (it was in the high 80’s outside and I’m a wuss with heat), driving, and not making good decisions. I clicked the instant deposit for the nominal fee and without checking which bank, clicked the submit button. Little did I know that only Fifth Third Bank allows for the instant transfer compared to Ally and my other bank account. Well, I lost $177 of the $270 she paid me instantly. Never getting that money back. What upsets me the most isn’t the flub on my part but that I wanted Taco Bell. All the money that was left went in minuscule payments to my various credit cards and I’m left with $2 again.

I hope this story will inspire you to make better choices so you don’t have to end up like me. I sold most of my electronics just to pay a ridiculous bank fee. I know I don’t have any sage advice but I have given you a few ideas of what not to do. Hopefully next week’s blog will be a little more uplifting. Take care, reader. 

Initial Thoughts

August 13, 2020

I haven’t put enough thought into my first blog post here. I know how influential this first impression will be for developing a relationship with you, the readers. That’s what I am trying to accomplish, a relationship with readers. I want to share my experiences and grow with you by my side. Hopefully, this will be a mutual partnership and I will learn from you as well.

The reason I haven’t put enough thought into this blog post is because I use weed to solve every problem in my life. More on that at a later time. With weed as my pain killer/anti-depressant/anti-anxiety/anti-nausea/overall cure, I do end up spending significant amounts of my time sitting and thinking. I make plans and develop ideas. In the moment, these ideas and plans are the best ideas ever to exist, an idea that will save the world. Of course, they spontaneously disappear by morning, therefore, I haven’t been able to save the world just yet. This lack of world saving led me to start writing down these musings in my phone’s notes app. I have 37 notes saved and only one of them is technically significant, the address to my parent’s new house that I can never remember. I’ve decided that the other 36 something notes should be on the Internet.

Reader, why in the world would I think these random weed, fever dreams belong on the Internet? My answer is firmly, because I can. I am sure at some point I will write a post about my imposter syndrome and how I’m not letting it rule my life anymore. For right now, just know that I can write on the internet and I will. The last question is should I? Doesn’t matter, here we go!

I’ve collected a lot of junk from impulse purchases, ever since I was 16 and had my own checking account and job. I have no control over my spending, or that’s what it feels like. A great example of my weakness was I saw an ad on Facebook for a phone case from Kate Spade and I made the mistake of clicking on it. It was around $30, on sale from $45. First problem, it’s on sale, “I should get it!” echoed in my brain. Second problem, since I clicked the ad, it followed me all over social media. I’m addicted to social media but that is a whole story by itself. I saw this phone case over and over until I had to have it. It was a physical need. Now, it doesn’t matter that I already have two cases for this phone, and I won’t have this phone forever, I bought it. I had $33 in my bank account and the total ended up being $31. So, there you have it. I spent all my money on a phone case that I didn’t need. So, I had $2 for the next week until payday.

This was only in my one bank account. I have three. One that I use to pay my car loan and a credit card, it has -$177. A second one was an online savings account that turned into a checking account, that one had a whopping $0.82, but it was in the positive, right? Then the last account was with an online bank with “no overdraft fees”. Obvious by my first checking account, I have an issue with over drafting. So, my overall equity, not including debt, was -$174.18.

I was struggling, I couldn’t even say I was living paycheck to paycheck. I was living one overdraft fee to the next. I had a great job too. But the money I earned was like throwing a bucket of water on a burning nine story building. There was no one that could help me either. My credit score is 580 and I had no down payment, so loans and refinancing were out of the picture. As I write this, even though it’s in the past tense, I am currently living with it. I don’t see an out to this crushing financial situation.

All I could do was try my best day after day. I had to stop ordering food delivery and eating out all together. And sell my excess junk. Which leads me into what I’ve been working on for the last 24 hours.

This was a great start but I will have to see you in a week! Take care.