Aaaaand it’s my birthday month again. Since my birthday is in the exact middle of the month, I get to claim the whole month as my own. Which means that I get to be extra depressed for the whole month of June. I can’t believe how fast time flies when you’re barely surviving. My whole existence is just a combination of trauma and the trauma responses that make up my personality. And I can’t forget the “self-care” behaviors I exhibit as well; my escapism. I use a variety of drugs, fairy smut books, and technology to avoid what’s going on in my life.

I’m not sure where I was going with all of this. I have never really had a great birthday so now that I’m almost 40, I associate my birthday with sorrow. It really puts a damper on Pride Month as well.

I started this post last night when I was on ketamine. I had high hopes (get it?) for its ability to soothe my soul but now I’m sitting here with a sore throat, a hangover, and all the same depression. I don’t want to fully abandon this post but I don’t expect it to be as ground breaking as it felt in my brain last night.

Sorry for being such a bummer lately.