Running Away

TW: grief, illness, suicide, depression

I love where I live. I grew up here and only have spent four years away. I’m the definition of a townie. I’ve grown so much here and have had so many experiences. But, I want to leave. 

I know that my desire to move from where I’ve always lived is a form of running away from my problems. As much as I love it here, I’ve experienced the worst of my life just as much here. Except the absolute worst moment of my life, the moment I tried to end myself, wasn’t actually experienced here. 

But, that aside, what I’m going through now is still insane. I know I’ve spoken of it before or at least I believe I have. My mother is sick and I am stuck here to take care of her. I know I’m not the first person to experience this and I won’t be the last but I feel so alone. My mother was the source of a third of my trauma but now she is completely dependent on my care. All I want to do is leave. 

It’s crazy to think that my whole life has been dictated by other people. Any control I’ve ever felt has been perceived. I lived where I lived because of my parents. I went to school for what my parents wanted me to do. Until college, when I tried to go on my own. And look how that ended up. I loved psychology but it took me nowhere. 

I truly wish I could move to Canada. It is getting fucking scary here. But I can’t. Not only because I owe the government over $100k in student loans and my credit is in the 600’s, but because I can’t leave my mom. And she voted for this mess.

Initial Thoughts Part 2

Back to the cliffhanger from last week. There are many different options to sell your junk. Online is most popular but also is the most likely for you to be scammed out of your money and tech. The first website I tried was Decluttr. Everything seemed to be going great. I was getting top dollar for my tech and even some money on old DVDs. My total was going to be a cash payout of around $270. Cash. That would be important in my decision to go with them. The other options included Best Buy and GameStop. The problem with those retailers was that I would only receive credit to the respective store. What was I going to do with $200 of GameStop credit if I was selling my Nintendo Switch? That store was dropped very quickly, which left me with Best Buy. Their website was very easy to use and promised me a great amount back for my tech. A positive was there were a lot more options for future purchases at Best Buy than GameStop. So, I made an appointment and reformatted all my devices.

Now you might be wondering to yourself, “But Marie, what about Decluttr?” Dear reader, I did not forget about Decluttr, they forgot about me. I committed to selling to them and did all the electronic paperwork to get my money. When it came to downloading the “Welcome Pack” as they put it which had the shipping labels, the pdf was not only blank but also not the correct file extension. To be honest, I’m pretty sure I have some sort of malware on my computer from trying to open the file. I did what any desperate individual would do, I contacted Customer Support. Not only was I sent a generic email based on a few keywords in my message, they claimed that if I replied above a line on their email, I would get a response. I did not. I got the same generic email sent to me three times with each response. I thankfully was able to cancel my commitment to them and hopefully won’t lose too much personal information to scammers.

Back to Best Buy. I went to my appointment looking like a lunatic with a cat tote bag full of wires and electronics. Everyone at Best Buy was very friendly and I got about $151 of store credit. For those of you following along, that seems pretty low, right? I was expecting about $270 from Best Buy but the team member clued me into a secret about my Switch. If I posted it on Facebook Marketplace, I could get over twice that Best Buy would give me. Now, I loathe dealing with people on marketplace websites. I’m always getting under bid and harassed about my product. I took a chance though and brought home my Switch to sell on Facebook.

Let me remind you, I walked into Best Buy with a tote bag full of electronics. No one stopped me at the door on my way in to ask what the hell was I doing and to my surprise no one stopped me from leaving to check my bag. I was 32 years old, white woman and was barely glanced at walking out of the store with what they could have thought was merchandise. If my roommate of color was with me or god forbid she went alone, I bet she would have been turned away. Now I can’t really in good conscious speculate that it was because I’m white or maybe even my kind eyes that got me through that door but it gave me pause.

I had my Switch all assembled on my floor with the half a dozen required accessories and too much cat hair to admit to, and I snapped a few pictures. Facebook was simple enough to fill out some form boxes and add a few tags that I was done and posted within minutes. Actually, I was waiting for the Facebook reviewers to approve my post when I was hit with three messages offering to buy my item. One requested I deliver it to them in a city over 20 minutes away on a good day of traffic. The other wanted to give me a fraction of what I was asking for, granted I posted more than I was willing to accept just to see if I could get it. He was offering less than my secret limit but he was willing to come pick it up. Lastly was a very sweet individual who offered more than I had hoped and was willing to meet today. I chose the last one while keeping the short changer on the line just in case my buyer didn’t show up. I waited anxiously for the time to meet up at the police station for the exchange because anything could have gone wrong and I hadn’t smoked weed yet that day. Nerves were frayed but I showed up and the lovely buyer was a woman about my age who was buying the Switch for herself. The whole exchange went seamlessly and I left with my money in Venmo.

If you remember from earlier, my one bank account was severely overdrawn, but I have two others I could have put the money into. Even though I am usually an alert driver and I was in front of the police station, I pulled up Venmo on my phone. I attempted to transfer my funds as fast as possible. You know, in case there was a way to reverse a payment on Venmo. I had barely eaten that day. Maybe a banana and a hard boiled egg with my morning coffee. To add that all up, I was anxious, hungry, too warm (it was in the high 80’s outside and I’m a wuss with heat), driving, and not making good decisions. I clicked the instant deposit for the nominal fee and without checking which bank, clicked the submit button. Little did I know that only Fifth Third Bank allows for the instant transfer compared to Ally and my other bank account. Well, I lost $177 of the $270 she paid me instantly. Never getting that money back. What upsets me the most isn’t the flub on my part but that I wanted Taco Bell. All the money that was left went in minuscule payments to my various credit cards and I’m left with $2 again.

I hope this story will inspire you to make better choices so you don’t have to end up like me. I sold most of my electronics just to pay a ridiculous bank fee. I know I don’t have any sage advice but I have given you a few ideas of what not to do. Hopefully next week’s blog will be a little more uplifting. Take care, reader.